My Soda... The Pessimist?

So today was feeling like a very normal Wednesday. I got some stuff done around the house, worked a little on the computer, thought about blogging, and went to the local convenience store to get a Sugar-Free Black Cherry Jones Soda. If you are unfamiliar with Jones, then you should check them out. If soft drinks were bands, then this would be your local indie-alt answer for the mundane "Top 40" Coke and Pepsi. I digress though...

In reality, I'm not too happy with Jones right now. Each week I purchase a little bit of wisdom from underneath the cap. Purportedly Jones Soda, "swiped these quotes from actual fortunate cookies." I guess plagiarism doesn't apply to fast food / convenient store destiny. Now to the point...

Last week my cap said "You will be successful in any gathering." I was happy with this one. I kind of felt like it talked to me. Not in a I-might-need-lithium-for-schizophrenia-because-I-hear-voices kind of way, instead it was a "seems accurate" kind of way. It was the day after my birthday celebration. I was feeling good and had a great time with a large gathering of people. I just felt that this fortune was like predicting the past instead of the future, but who am I to complain? The plot thickens...

Then I took the time to think back to two weeks ago. It said, "Learn about Bugs." Funny thing was that I had spoken with someone the night before that was studying Entomology. Coincidence? Maybe. But yet again, Jones Soda only told me this after the fact. I'm not saying that a bottle of soda has the ability to write in the answer after "pencils down" or anything, but it did seem a little less than prophetic. Moving on...

So today I was eagerly awaiting what the omniscient Jones had to say. To my utter dismay, it read "Keep expectations reasonable." About what? These soda fortunes? Life? Ever bowling a perfect game? I need more specific clues. At this point...

I actually got a little mad at my bottle cap. Should I care if my Soda is a pessimist? I am by no means limited by the insight of a pretentious 12 oz (355 ml) beverage lid. So I took action . . .

I went back to the store and bought another bottle for the sheer will of self fate. I read the cap and it said, "Now is the time to quit your regular routine." Now that's good advice. As part of my regular routine, I will no longer be reading my Jones Soda caps or taking advice from any pompous overpriced sugar-free colored water.