Modern Memories

Modern Blah, Blah: Pt 4 - Paging Dr. Doogie

2009-09-22T12:11:00.008-05:00

This all started earlier this year about going to the doctor and feeling old - titled "Modern... whatever that word is for things you remember?" and my followup doctor experience "Modern... whatever... : Pt. 2 Adding Insult to Injury" and most recently Modern Whatever: Pt 3 Back to the Doctor.

When our story ended last time, I was in a cliffhanger (it was sweeps week, what do you expect). I finally went to the doctor with fear of the flu only to have my hopes and dreams of treating it dashed with ol' fashioned wagon-side medicin'ing.

As our story begins this time... I really am sick and I've had a whole weekend of discomfort to prove it. I finally dragged myself off the couch and across the lawn to my car for another visit to.... Dr. Doogie (disclaimer - he is very young, but his name is not really Doogie, but he is a Doctor... I think). After arriving I found that there was a waiting room full of people looking as haggard as ever. To my dismay, the lady at the front desk didn't even ask why I was there or my symptoms - just a simple have a seat. Every time someone had their name called, I felt like I was in a bad episode of the Twilight Zone where the person was really being hauled off to a grizzly death (probably an ironic episode which urged people not to eat meat by using aliens as a metaphor - that seemed to happen a lot during that show).

Anywho, so I'm waiting my turn only to find that everything goes quickly and by the numbers. The only annoying thing was that the nurse told me I had lost weight. I was almost happy for myself, but she said it in a way that ruined the whole experience. It was more of a "oh too bad you're sick, but at least you lost some weight" kind of way. I really didn't have the energy to slap anyone, so ultimately cool heads prevailed.

Dr. Doogie actually gave me some medicine this time and a shot. For this, I was grateful but ultimately bummed out. I once again needed to take a steroid and antibiotics for a sinus infection. If you needed to view my medical history over the last 30 years on a graph, then probably a good parallel would be to view the Billboard chart sales of the band Wang Chung over the same time period. And on that note I will be praying for a Wang Chung reunion tour in 2010.

We Exist! (No Longer a Figment of Your Imagination)

2009-08-24T15:55:00.007-05:00

Today I was trying to find out why our address was wrong on a billing statement. One of the problems was that the company couldn't find our address at all. We've had trouble finding our street on things like Google Maps or Yahoo Maps. Apparently our neighborhood is still new enough that the maps were incomplete or out of date. Today I found our street address for the first time. About time, I say. Only one problem, the map is still a little out dated.

Ever heard of the phrase my "name is mud" before? Well apparently our house is mud. This satellite imaging shows that we live in this field... supposedly scouring the terrain for wild game and picking berries for sustenance. Swiss Family Roberts.

New and Improved Monkey Proof Bananas - Mini Sized

2009-08-22T16:04:00.008-05:00

Recently I watched a internet posted video in which a man explained the best way to peel a banana. And lo and behold, it was true and his method was better. What was the trick? See the video below for the explanation.

How I see it, the monkey had a few million years to perfect the art of banana peeling - we as humans only had possibly thousands. And being humans, we were not going to admit that we were doing it wrong. So... we just kept doing the same old way. Sort of like the guy who won't stop to get directions, even though he knows he's lost. "Damn it woman, I know where I'm going, now quit nagging me so much." Or the guy that won't dare use the instruction manual that comes with a piece of office furniture or electronics equipment.

Monkeys be damned, I just don't want to admit that the easiest way to peel a banana... is well... that easy. Now apes be warned! Humans have concocted a banana that is resistant to your foolish endeavors... mu hahaha! I give you... the mini banana.

I attempted my new monkey technique on these little suckers... it's a no go. The technique of squeezing the end and peeling back skin is not only difficult but results in the banana being smashed. Some how science has found a way to shrink bananas and intentionally or unintentionally prevent the monkey peeling method. Personally, I'm very proud of modern science for doing so. Now monkeys will have to fumble through the ritual of trying to open bananas like everyone else. Serves them right.

For the record, in mini bananas (or bananettes as I call them) -

Science 1

Apes 0

So what if mini bananas are too expensive, too small, too hard to find, too bananay - they're still monkey proof. So if you are on team Charlton Heston, then be happy that you're bananas are now safer than ever from monkey hi-jinx.

"Take your stinking paws off [my mini bananas], you damned dirty ape!"

Modern... Whatever: Pt 3 - Back to the Doctor

2009-08-06T23:07:00.002-05:00

This past week as been beyond a doubt one of the most trying times of my entire life. To add to all of this, I found out that some of the people I've been spending time with day after day... have the type A flu. Which with my understanding, this could be the bad kind but they are waiting for the genetic testing to determine if it is. So, here I am today feeling tired... sore throat... earache... slight fever... and the phone rings with my friend telling me about his same symptoms and finding out he has the flu.

Crap.

Well if you don't know my doctor situation, then read my previous blogs from earlier this year about going to the doctor and feeling old - titled "Modern... whatever that word is for things you remember?" and my followup doctor experience "Modern... whatever... : Pt. 2 Adding Insult to Injury"

I go to my doctor, or Doctor Doogie as I call him. I'm pretty sure that this guy is younger than me and confidently certain that I wouldn't want to know how much younger - so I don't ask. I then speak to two different nurses, each with their own laptop... I kept waiting to hear Star Trek's Captain Picard say over the intercom... "Doctor Crusher, report to the sickbay at once." Then after this, I took two swab tests - one for the flu and one for strep. Both results were back less than ten minutes later. Oh the wonders of modern technology! Then the doctor confidently told me that they were negative and had no idea what was wrong with me. He suggested for my sore throat and earache to start sleeping on my other side.

What?

Why not just tell me to go home and eat chicken noodle soup... or rub some snake oil on my neck and then do a little dance while speaking in tongues. I waited in the sitting area for twenty minutes, then waited in the room with two different nurses and the doctor - all for that advice. You've got to be kidding. Thanks, but no thanks, Doogie. I will just go home and drink lots of fluids and take my vitamin C. I'm pretty sure that I saw that on advertising or on public television or something. Not solid, high tech advice - but better than sleep on my other side, eeeggaad man.

If I'm going to visit some young prodigal medicine man, then the least he could do was give me antibiotics or something. Nothing too experimental, just the standard mid-Twentieth Century attempt at The Hippocratic Oath. Geeeez. Maybe next time, I'll just google my illness or just ask Web-MD to give me some helpful advice. At least with googling, I could've saved a $30 co-pay and had the exact same results. I've about reached my limit from dealings with Doogie.

If somehow there is a super computer intelligence off in the distant future, out there skimming the interweb, reading my words. Read this, if you can alter time a la Terminator style - then please bend space and time so that you can send help. Send push button medical science from the future and get it here as fast as you can... or just beam me to your sickbay.

Top TV Shows: Cancelled Too Soon Pt 2

2009-07-17T15:45:00.005-05:00

To see my Top TV Shows: Cancelled Too Soon Pt 1 containing my number 6 through 10 countdown, then check my archives from May 2009.

5. Invader Zim - Premiered in 2001. Length - 2 seasons / 46 episodes (including pilot)

Well, where do I begin? This to me has got to be the best show to ever come from Nickelodeon. Not only is it extremely funny, it's also astonishingly smart and well thought out. The story centers around an alien that is planning to infiltrate humans and then ultimately conquer earth. But, he's a total screw up. In fact, he's so irritating to his own race that the assignment to take over earth was given to him by the other aliens just to get rid of him. Zim doesn't know that the invasion army is not really coming... he's been sent to earth to get out of everyone's way. To help Zim with "the assignment" the Irken Empire's leaders give him the assistance of a robot, Gir. But this robot has problems... namely he's stupid. There's absolute nothing Gir won't do or say. Everytime he opens his little robot mouth, taken notice - he is pure comedic genius.

This shows was semi-saved by the fans in 2006, but ultimately still was looked down upon by Nickelodeon as too dark or too adult for children. I think if this show would've been sold to Adult Swim, then I wouldn't even be typing about it right now. This show could still be on the air. Recently the DVDs went out of print, so a simple box set of Zim is now worth about $150 - and limited editions with Gir figure go for about $250. Networks take notice... people still love this show.

4. Tru Calling - Premiered in 2003. Length - 1.5 seasons / 26 episodes

It feels just like only yesterday... it was Fall of 2003 and I (like everyone else) was feeling depressed about the ending of Buffy the previous Spring. Then this show came along, starring Eliza Dushku. We all knew it wasn't Buffy (or even Faith), but somehow it did get us through the week. I guess it was kind of like people using the nicotine patches instead of smoking. And week after week, the show slowly started to grow on me, filling the void - but also establishing it's own likable qualities. Then... they pulled the rug out from under me and cancelled it - damn them!

This was the show that centered around Tru Davies (Dushku) as a girl that could connect with recently deceased people. Once summoned, she could go back in time and attempt to correct the past, which in return prevented the person's death. Sometimes it took multiple attempts to help, sometimes it took multiple different people's deaths to find the perfect solution. Her normal life always became an issue with the time traveling also, so multiple time splitting story-lines were common. Somehow this show always found a way to throw a curve ball, bending the rules of Tru's abilities. And not to mention, there are others out there that could possibly do the same thing... but for less heroic purposes.

I often feel like this was Eliza's red-headed-step-child show. Even though people liked her and people liked the show, no one really ever cared about it until after it was gone. The show was cancelled after season 1, but then (way too late) the fans stepped in to help - mostly by buying lots of DVDs from online merchants like Amazon. This encouraged Fox to bring back the show as a midseason replacement - ELEVEN months later! It was like a miracle. Everyone had forgotten about it and "poof" it reappeared out of thin air. We were all so amazed... so amazed in fact that we forgot to watch it... again. The show ran six more episodes then it was decimated. Not only was it definitely not coming back, the network executives bumped the finale several times, then released the last six episodes on DVD as the "Final Season" which oddly enough ends with a huge cliff hanger. Whomp, whomp. If that show doesn't remind you of a neglected little orphan then you've never seen Oliver Twist.

3. Veronica Mars - Premiered in 2004. Length - 3 seasons / 64 episodes

Kristen Bell played the young high school student Veronica Mars... even though she was like 25 at the time. But once I suspended my disbelief long enough to enjoy the show, it delivered a whopping three seasons of intelligently designed twisting plots and sarcastically witty one-liners.

Dubbed a teen noir series by the marketing strategists, Veronica Mars aimed oddly way above the teen demographic. I kept saying to myself, "why is Veronica Mars making cultural references to _______? No one under the age of thirty has any idea what that is." But maybe that was the show's charm, the characters all knew exactly what to say and when. The show made their teens intellectual and suave, unlike the perception usually bestowed upon young txt-savy slackers.

But back to the premise, what is a "teen noir" anyway. Well the simple of it is, think Buffy meets Murder She Wrote... uhhh, okay. If that splice cooks your noodle then maybe this will help. Think detective genre meets cynical teen dramady. Each week a mystery would present itself and Veronica (well-schooled in detective work from years of living with her private eye dad) would deductively reason-out the culprit or find the lost whatever - all while sarcastically punning the mere idea of it all. Along with this episode by episode formula, there is an underlying season-long mystery unravelling as well.

In my opinion, the first season played out sort of like the first season of Twin Peaks... minus the David Lynch trippiness. There is a young girl that is murdered before the show even takes off, but the flashbacks continue throughout the season giving more and more back story. You continually feel as though you are going two directions in time simultaneously. The complexity the stories, but the simplicity of the characters' like-ability gave the show a nice balance. The only problem was that the scenery and setup felt too young for adults. In stark contrast, the show's long-running highbrow humor and sophisticated plots felt too old for some of the young viewers. It was a perfect show with an imperfect target audience. The result was... early cancellation.

2. Roswell - Premiered in 1999. Length - 3 seasons / 61 episodes

Not that show... the oh so very dialog-heavy drama with the Dido song and that famous star from Grey's Anatomy plays his sister. Yes, guilty. Many people began to think this was Dawson's Creek moved from New England into the deserts of New Mexico... and in some ways, rightly so. You can dub this the least Sci-Fi related show about aliens ever. With an Executive Producer / Director like Jonathan Frakes (AKA William T. Riker from Star Trek: TNG), you would expect a show about aliens to be overwhelmingly laced with lasers, space ships, and strange creatures... but you'd be wrong. This show only gave you glimpses of the alien side of the show, which further frustrated the viewers when the those glimpses were quickly pulled away and teased about in the dialog. I kept holding out to see more and more, then I eventually finished the three seasons. Along the way I indirectly fell in love with the cast and plot. Upon a second viewing, I realized the actual genius of the show - the story, the characters, and the human (or alien I guess) interactions that were the driving force behind Roswell.

The show is like Smallville in many ways, you forget that the main character(s) is from another planet - completely alien and NOT human. Why? Because he doesn't look alien and his actions and emotions are very human in appearance. In this show, the human characters were surprisingly just as interesting as their alien counterparts. Not because they were all the same, but because they saw the same problems from a different perspectives.

Actors such as Jason Behr (The Grudge), Katherine Heigl (Knocked Up, Grey's Anatomy), and Colin Hanks (Orange County) were among the now-famous people who were on the show. The main character Liz, played by Shiri Appleby, seemed to be going in and out of focus throughout the series until it seemed they had changed their minds about her being the main actress of the show. Emilie de Ravin (from the show Lost), as the character Tess, took over more and more of the spotlight until poor Liz (Appleby) had become an emotional whipping-boy for many depressing episodes.

I hate to think about it but this show actually was better at two seasons instead of three. The WB cancelled Roswell (along with Buffy the Vampire Slayer) as part of their budget cutting for fall 2001. Even though the show was successful, The WB was stacked with many popular shows that had escalating contract price-tags attached. Luckily for fans of the show, UPN picked up the dead series and revived it with a one year - "make or break" opportunity. The show broke.

The third season seems a little last minute in design. I don't want to bash the show, so I'll just say it was The WB's fault in my eyes. By their canceling, the show was left too up in the air for the continued chemistry from the previous seasons. Maybe a fourth or fifth season was needed to really hone that original feel of the show, who knows. We take what we can get and a third season is better than no season.

1. Firefly - Premiered in 2002. Length - less than 1 season / 15 episodes and 1 follow-up movie.

If you are unfamiliar with this show, then quit reading. Go to your local superstore buy Firefly on DVD, a hammer, and a bag of ice. Grab the hammer and repeatedly hit yourself in the head*, then apply ice after regaining consciousness, then watch Firefly beginning to end. If need be, repeat as often as possible... minus the hammer of course.

* comment made in jest, don't actually hit yourself... or even buy a hammer for that matter... same goes for the ice as well, I guess. On second thought, just buy Firefly and use the leftover "hammer and ice money" to buy Serenity also.

This show is so good that it defies the laws of nature. Why was it cancelled? FOX did everything in it's power to make this show struggle (intentionally or unintentionally). Did they begin the show with the first episode so that the audience would understand the back story? No. Did they give it a good time slot? No and they changed time slots only a few weeks later. Did they even show all of the fifteen episodes. No, they cancelled the show after only three months and pushed the unaired episodes off to never-never land for most of us to see only on DVD way later.

Is this Joss Whedon's best show? Maybe. It's a space western, and as bad as that sounds - it works perfectly. No, it's not Buffy or Angel - but, it does have that trademark Whedon touch that only he can provide. I personally love the show, but I do not place it above his other work. Saying that outloud, it's hard to believe, but I would have to strongly defend that position in most genre loving crowds. This show is so loved that it spawned a movie - Serenity. Serenity was equally loved by the fans, which might have even prevented social upheaval. The diehard fans of Firefly (Brown Coats we're called) were so upset by FOX's treatment of Firefly that they organized and advertised and demonstrated and whatevered to the point that this show has historic status in modern pop culture.

No show was ever so loved by it's viewers, yet so blatantly neglected by it's network. I don't hate FOX, but I bet someone inside FOX sure hated themselves for not being able to sustain this cash cow. We could be in the seventh season of that show right now and that would seem more reasonable than the reality we have right now. This show cancelled only after three months? Seems like we had entered an alternate dimension. Our reality had spun out of control, the equal of visiting Bizarro world and not being able to shake off what you know to be right.

Right now, this show lives on like Whedon's other shows in comic book form. Currently there have been two mini series comics and probably more on the way. I imagine that there will be Firefly fans attending and organizing conventions even twenty years from now and probably many years after that. If there was ever a testament to devotion in viewers, Firefly would be the hands down most-favored to deserve an award. To sum up this entire discussion about the show, it's history and it's wonderful fans and it's tragic struggle to live on in the hearts of it's viewers... There's no better way to explain than to quote the song lyrics from the opening sequence:

"Take my love, take my land

Take me where I cannot stand

I don't care, I'm still free

You can't take the sky from me

Take me out to the black

Tell 'em I ain't comin' back

Burn the land and boil the sea

You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be

Since I found serenity

But you can't take the sky from me"

How do you know if an orange has gone bad?

2009-07-16T14:07:00.000-05:00

I find myself pondering this very question while attempting to eat three small oranges that are probably about two months old.

So, Question: how do you know if an orange has gone bad?

Answer 1: If the color of the orange is anything but orange. There's a reason these fruits are not called "browns" or "slightly burnt yellowishes"

Answer 2: If your dog loves oranges and then when presented with said fruit is then profoundly perplexed. My dog loves oranges, but he sure wasn't going for this one. I let him sniff it and he sneezed three times in a row, looked at me with a "what the hell is that" expression, then went to his bed. Trust the instincts of wildlife, if they're not eating - then maybe you shouldn't either.

Answer 3: If peeling the orange burns your fingers, this could be a sign. Ever stuck your finger in a pencil sharpner? No? Well either way, you get the mental picture.

Answer 4: If the orange tastes like a screwdriver. I always wondered why screwdrivers were such easy drinks to make. Well now you can make one without even visiting the liquor store. Bon appetite. Also kills germs that cause bad breath... think of it as a self contained 90 proof fun ball that has all the fighting power of Listerine in every bite.

Answer 5: If after consuming the said "fruit", you are then overpowered by a strong sensation of non-reality. I'm not sure if I was a famous person in a previous life, but now I am pondering this very question. Imagine Alice in Wonderland or Neo in The Matrix, this is the same small little pill that can alter reality. If Disney "Fantasia-esque" weirdness occurs, then count your fruit as one of the possible rotten ones.

Top TV Shows: Cancelled Too Soon Pt 1

2009-05-30T15:13:00.003-05:00

I've had a few people say that they liked the Top 10 movie lists I did last year (Stephen King movies & Vampire movies). So, I thought I'd do another one for TV shows. This time though, I will be doing my top 10 list of shows that were cancelled way too early (from the 2000's decade) - or shows that peaked in interested after cancellation. My rule though is that the shows were aired partially or fully during the early 2000's decade and are not longer than three seasons. Shows airing longer than three seasons had a fairly long stretch and are not applicable here. Why the early 2000's? Mostly because this patch of television viewing has become such a fertile ground for great shows with tragic results. The advent of reality TV hit it's stride during this period and the results were not pretty for many traditional shows, namely any genre related series that didn't have a CSI or Law & Order in its title.

10. The Lone Gunmen - Premiered in 2001. Length - 1 season / 13 episodes.

This is the only direct spinoff of the The X-Files. Coming off the cancellation of Chris Carter's other two creations (Millennium in 1999 & Harsh Realm in 2000) this series had the most promise for becoming a hit. This was a late mid-season replacement that appeared in March 2001. The show starred three quirky characters - Byers, Frohike, and Langly - who were the most unlikely of friends. The show focused on their common paranoia, but bickering personalities.

The show had dismal ratings and tried to spring back with a season cliffhanger featuring David Duchovny, making a guest appearance as the character Fox Mulder. Unfortunately this was not enough to offset the show's problems. The show's 2nd season would've kicked off Fall 2001, but networks were rethinking television from the bottom up that season, this show was doomed no matter the ratings. In hindsight, this show is sorely missed. With the last two seasons of The X-Files practically adbsent of Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny - hardcore fans realized the mistake of letting this little gem fade away. The Lone Gunmen 2001 to 2001 RIP.

9. Wonderfalls - Premiered in 2004. Length - 1 season / 13 episodes.

This is the odd show that I could never catch on television. I heard about how good it was, even though no one could quite explain what it was about.

"This girl Jane works a gift shop at Niagara Falls where she begins hearing voices and seeing inanimate objects speak to her. They tell her to do things in cryptic ways that lead to miraculous resolutions. She thinks she's crazy and everyone else thinks she is too... with comic results."

I told you it's hard to explain. But, it's truly awesome as noted by the critical fame and awards it received after such a short run. Too bad most people only watched the DVDs way after the cancellation, these are the same people (like me) who would've liked to see more seasons on air.

8. Birds of Prey - Premiered in 2002. Length - 1 season / 14 episodes

After the success of Smallville from the previous season, The WB decided to branch out in its DC Comics related interests. If they could show the world of Superman in the past, why not just show the world of Batman in the future? So they did. This show had a perfect formula set up in the pilot. Super small cameos by Batman, Batgirl, and Joker were enough to hook me in. But then the story just felt less and less like Gotham City as the episodes dragged on. The stories focus on the three main characters, which were all straight from the BOP comic - Oracle (ex-Batgirl Barbara Gordon), Huntress (metahuman offspring of Catwoman & Batman), and Dinah (young superhero-to-be with telekinetic & telepathic abilities).

Sure, there was a Clayface moment and there were plenty of Dark Knight references. But in the end, they weren't enough. I lapsed in my viewings and didn't get to see the finale... which I realized way too late as being awesome. Not only was there a hidden story building up inside this quiet little series, it was a fanboy's dream come true. I won't spoil it for you... even though most of you will never see it.

Lesson learned? Well first off DC Comic inspired shows are not all instant gold. Smallville is now headed to it's 9th season, which makes you wonder why this show is not just renamed "Metropolis" or "Superman" by now. This was supposedly a story about Clark Kent when he was a young boy - but that was eight years ago. Haven't we reached the present day of that universe yet? Apparently not. So the lesson is - Superman's past equals 9+ years... or possibly an eternity. Batman's future equals about five months that no one remembers. Poor little Batman.

7. Dead Like Me - Premiered in 2003. Length - 2 seasons / 29 episodes (1 followup movie)

What happens after you die? Well this series shows you, but not completely. Certain people are chosen to be grim reapers of sorts after they die. The reapers are suppose to help all the others after they die. But for all the ones being helped to the thereafter? We only see bits and pieces of what happens to them after they go into the white light. The main character, Georgia (George), has to live a regular life of work, responsibilities, boredom, family problems, and much more - and that's after she's dead. Being a grim reaper is a tough job and George is the kind of slacker that's never been able to keep a job. Now she has to buck-up and take on being a reaper, but also hold down a temp job at a company she hates too. She has two bosses, which leads to a ridiculously long day of meetings, sticky notes, and dead people. Life sucks... but death is even worse.

This show was only on for two seasons, but it had a strong following. Due to demand, this show has launched a direct-to-DVD movie that follows up after the second season. There's about four years in between these, so not sure if there will be an explanation or not written into the story. I personally haven't seen it yet, but I'm stoked. This dark comedy series sticks in my mind for some reason. I'm glad that there's enough of us out there to push this series back into some kind of production.

6. Greg The Bunny - Premiered in 2002. Length - 1 season / 13 episodes (followup spinoff series in 2005)

This show is best known as the original Fox series which paired all kinds of crazy puppets with equally hilarious actors, such as Seth Green and Sarah Silverman. The adult situations may sour the taste-buds of some hardcore Muppet/Fraggle fans, but this is not your father's Jim Henson approved show. This series still makes me laugh even after seeing several of the episodes multiple times. As for the second incarnation of the show, I wasn't quite as pleased with it. It's good, but the absence of all the famous actors ruined the interaction recipe that made this show so special. The second show focused on film parodies for IFC, which are funny but not as funny as the original series. I'm glad that the fans helped to resurrect this show, but what we got wasn't the living, breathing original show. It was more like getting a zombie version instead, which will always end badly. Did I take that resurrection / undead analogy a little too far? Maybe.

Stayed Tuned for Part 2 containing My Top 5

Clyde is on Lock-Down from Hayden The Warden

2009-03-22T20:52:00.006-05:00

This is the pic of Hayden and Clyde that I refer to as "Grrrrounded"

My cat, Clyde, knows quite a few words including a few commands... he just chooses when to listen. We have certain areas of the house that are off limits for the cat and dog, which they clearly know... though bravely sneak into from time to time. When the cat is missing for too long, we ask Hayden, "Where's the cat, where's Clyde?" Inspector Hayden starts sniffing out the cat and eventually solves the case... just like Scooby.

Recently Clyde has been getting braver and trying to rule the house. He's been getting into all kinds of dangerous stuff, so to counter this aggressive power-shift... I gave our dog, Hayden, some more authority. Now if I tell the cat to do something (or more likely to quit doing something) and he hisses back, then Hayden is allowed to go over and growl and/or bark if necessary (kind of like a warning shot) to let the cat knows he's outnumbered. So far it's working.

The punishment... Clyde has to spend some quality time laying next to the dog. Hayden especially likes it when the cat gets in trouble and has to lay next to him. Hayden's dog bed becomes the "time out" pad (or what I like to call pet prison). Then, Hayden goes into full enforcer mode - this is when I start calling Hayden by his new name... The Warden. Clyde has to stay on the bed next to Hayden until he can be good without talking back or hissing. If he tries to escape, Hayden comes to me and tattles on Clyde. Hayden loves it... the cat, not so much.

So far the cat is getting to the point where he can be trusted to not get into stuff even if the opportunity is placed before him (food in open site, closet doors left wide open). On a side note, the only negative outcome I foresee so far is that Hayden is enjoying this way too much. Hayden's abuse of power could be on the horizon, but for now this system works well.

Camille Harp On Rise & Shine Oklahoma

2009-03-13T15:52:00.014-05:00

Camille Harp is a talented musician, singer, and songwriter that I'm proud to call a good friend. Camille and I have been friends since high school and I always enjoy going to see her perform. This morning she performed with Ryan Engleman on local OKC KAUT Channel 43. It was funny to hear her mention being friends with Bobbie Miller (local news reporter for KFOR Channel 4). We all used to hang out together and get into mischief. Oh the stories I could tell on those two... but being the good friend I am, I won't mention them here. I always try to help support Camille when and where I can, so here's a modest attempt. The video below is her most recent performance from this morning for those of you who missed it (or outside of the OKC area).

Please visit CamilleHarp.com to preview and purchase her CDs

Boba Fett "Overoos" Hoodie - Totally Got It!

2009-03-11T23:38:00.000-05:00

I had forgotten until yesterday that I was going to post this blog. Thanks for reminding me. Lindy mentioned that she heard I got my Boba Fett hoodie... and yes I did. It's awesome. All I need now is a grappling hook, flame thrower, and a jetpack...

I have the best girlfriend in the world. This is a follow up to her saying she liked the gifts she got from me this week. I didn't forget her or the cool gift she got me. For my birthday I had begged and wined about how I never got Boba Fett Underoos as a kid - so I got the next best thing, an adult-sized Boba Fett "Overoos" hoodie. In honor of this moment, I want to post a video that has been stuck in my head for the last couple of weeks. I watched Zack and Miri recently and got a total flashback when I heard the MC Chris song Fett's Vette on there. I had totally forgotten about it and thought it was never going to be released on a CD, not to mention a movie. I really thought Lucas Film would've probably sued him if it ever saw mass distribution. Originally I heard this song about 2004 or 05 and thought it was pretty good. The video here is a fanmade video to go with the lyrics (I know some scenes are with Jango instead of Boba, but let's not nitpick too much, shall we?). The video has some of those "naughty" words, so remember your volume level and audience - NSFW (Not Safe For Work) - or if you're a stay at home mom with little kiddies who have sponge-like brains that absorb these words - then just beware. Enjoy.

Wagging Tales: Hayden Hearts The Big Apple

2009-02-13T22:09:00.000-06:00

This blog is like the lost episode of I Love Lucy that was found years later... except in this case it's months later and not worth the wait. I had this as a draft and the video didn't load right, etc - next thing you know I forgot about it. For those of you who have asked about this - here it is... in all of it's mediocre glory. (from 12/18/2008)

THE ORIGINAL BLOG BELOW

Wagging Tales: Hayden Hearts The Big Apple

Well, maybe Big Apple is a little much... how about two very small apples that approximate the size of one big apple? This is the previously mentioned follow-up to "Orange Ball" uploaded earlier. Today's weather wasn't great, but after the last few days... I'll take what I can get. At a chipper 46 degrees, I decided to give Hayden a chance to stretch his legs and play with his other favorite fruit...

Joaquin Phoenix Train-Wreck

2009-02-12T11:46:00.019-06:00

No one steers a train-wreck quite like David Letterman. And by steer, I mean into a dramatic head-on collision. To say that Letterman succeeds at these ghastly interviews is an understatement. Sometimes Dave uses his wit to make quick comebacks or other times he may just goad the guest with his repetitiveness - but never underestimate his ability to wield the power of uncomfortable silence.

Well last night was another one of those nights. This time Joaquin Phoenix is in the crosshairs for what must have seemed like an eternity to him. If you've seen the Paris Hilton-not-wanting-to-speak-about-jail interview, then this is at least up to par. Personally I think it's better. For its sheer awkwardness, this should even compare to such classics as the infamous Crispin Glover interview of the late 1980's.

There is usually a reoccurring theme in most of these types of interviews... anger to an embarrassing topic or a loaded question... or the perceived notion of being impaired by a "substance" of some sorts. My favorite anger interview(s) came during the Pekar stint in the 80's, in which the two of them became practically combative over Harvey's mutliple appearances. Although my favorite "substance theory" interview is probably a tie between Glover and the notoriously bizarre Farrah Fawcett appereance. All of these can be found searching various video websites through the keywords of the guests' last names and Letterman. Good stuff.

The Joaquin Phoenix interview from last night will stand up to the test of time as well. Whereas a normally bad interview on some other late night talk show could get slashed back to a smaller segment, here Letterman rolls out the welcome mat and stretches this thing on for as long as he can - over 10 minutes. It's worth every minute too. Letterman knows controlled chaos like no other.

It should be noted though, that much of this could be for publicity. It has been stated by some that Casey Affleck & Joaquin are supposedly working a movie about manipulating the media. Let us not forget one of the greatest Letterman moments that occurred between Jerry Lawler and Andy Kaufman, which amazingly enough is considered the most bizarre... and totally staged (unbeknownst to Letterman), moments on the show. Either way, fraud or odd, Joaquin will be placed high among the list of weird Letterman moments.

Letterman: "Joaquin, I'm Sorry You Couldn't Be Here Tonight"

Due to removal, the previous video has been replaced by this

shorter one. The original is about twice this long. Sorry.

Modern... whatever... Pt. 2: Adding Insult to Injury

2009-02-11T01:35:00.015-06:00

Last week I ranted on old age sneaking up on me in my 30's. I think of old age during this part of my life as the following analogy. Imagine you're young, say sixteen. You see someone else that's sixteen trying to sneak into a movie theater... you do not point it out to authorities when you oversee it. Plus you actually may help them even though you don't know them. The whole time you're saying in the back of your head, "come on, do it... cheat the system!"

Now when you see stuff like this, it sorta pisses you off. You want to say, "hey there hooligan... I just waited in line for twenty minutes and paid $15 for a movie that probably sucks... you can wait with everybody else, then pay, then you'll earn a right to complain - that's the system, this isn't a soup kitchen! And by the way, quit texting your friends during the movie - they're only three seats over and can read your lips... you emoticon-typin' tool."

See you thought the analogy of old age sneaking in to your 30's would be like the kid sneaking into the movie theater, but you were wrong. It's really the analogy of me becoming a grumpy old man to the back drop of annoying teenagers plaguing the great American cinema experience. Sort of like how this analogy could be carried forward to people in their 60's and 70's chasing young whipper-snappers off their lawn with brooms. And after today, I was so pissed that I finally had to say bring it on. I say bring on the black socks with sandals... prune juice while watching Matlock... Tuesday blue plate specials... and witty bumper stickers which parallel life with fishing.

Here's the latest news. So I've been sick... what of it? I've been exhausted with a week of almost sick, then really sick, then almost better, then near death, then... kinda need a nap, then just plain old sick. Well today I had finally had enough. I went to the doctor.

I hadn't been to the doctor in a long while, since my 20's which I thought was good. Apparently that's not good and more importantly it's bad. I've been reclassified as the doctor's equivalent of "buyer beware" - my warranty presumably expired sometime over the last three to four years.

I had to fill out a medical history questionnaire that asked me about all kinds of weird stuff, including my advance directive... i.e. - the "Do Not Resuscitate" statement.... whoa, pilgrim! I just have a cough sorta, I plan on leaving here with a heartbeat. Then the form asked me about whether or not I had a prostate exam lately.... whoa again, hold up! I came here for a prescription, maybe to go as far as having a wooden tong pressed against my tongue or have one of those little cone shaped lights stuck in my ear... that's the most evasive procedure I will tolerate for the flu. I'm not here to be violated, like some after school special teaching stranger danger. Now this has gone too far.

And here's where the day goes completely awry. The nurse has me stand against the wall to measure my height. Then she says, "and with your shoes deducted... about six foot." Oh okay, I accept that. Seems fair.

Next she has me step on the scale. FYI - Honestly I haven't been able to workout much and I've been completely out of it - being sick or injured or something since before Christmas. So... she has me step on the scale. I say, "I've got my phone, ipod, keys, and wallet on me - do you want me to...?" She immediately says, "no, just step on up." Then I look over and it says 210.4 on the digital scale... and she writes down 211! 211? She rounded up, without even considering all of my unnecessary non-bodily gear I was carrying. Why did she estimate my height so closely then just fudge up the numbers for my weight? 211. Yes, I said it. 211. Damn her.

Then she said, "You're heavier than you look."

Well... shit. Thanks, I guess. That's not a compliment no matter how you take it. I really wanted to answer back with, "Well thanks, you're not as dumb as you look either."

Then I walked into the actual doctor's examining room. He went through a bunch of minor tests, all the stuff I expected with my ears and throat. But that's not the part that got me. This is. The doctor was younger than me. I've never been to a doctor younger than me, ever. And, it just made me feel that much older when he called me sir as I left. Shit.

Oh and by the way, he also mentioned that I have high blood pressure. Wonder what could cause that... could it be... oh, I don't know... maybe this circus you call a medical facility? Thanks for your help... Doogie.

I then went to the pharmacy and got my antibiotics (which apparently were enough when I was younger, but not anymore), so the doctor started me on a cycle of steroids too. Not kidding. I then spent the next three hours trying to find something to eat at work so I could take my pills... just like a crabby, impatient senior citizen. Well, shitballs.

I leave you with a quote from the movie Christmas Vacation by Art played by the late, great E.G. Marshall.

"I have to eat, so I can take my back pill!"

Modern... whatever that word is for things that you remember?

2009-02-04T14:35:00.015-06:00

So I'm going to be Thirty-thrrrruuun... something this year. It's not like I feel old... oh wait I did have some joint and back issues this past year. Scratch that last part. It's not like my mind feels old... wait I forgot what this blog was about. Where was I going with this? Blah.

Here I'd like to add a quote by Jasper from my favorite episode of The Simpsons titled Duffless - Ep. 16, Season 4.

(Jasper enters Community Center. Rev. Lovejoy sits at the welcome table)

Lovejoy: Coping with senility? [wondering why Jasper had arrived]

Jasper: [gruff] No. I'm here for Microwave Cookery! No, wait. Coping with senility.

Oh yeah, so I'm one of those people who has really good memory. I have fairly vivid memories of my very early childhood, from before I could really even talk much. But up until my mid-twenties, I thought everyone had those memories. Evidently not. So it's no surprise that as my short-term memory starts to fog up a little, I'm starting to fear forgetting normal stuff I take for granted everyday.

Normally if I forget something, I then remember it when I'm reminded of something similar. Not anymore though, I've started forgetting stuff that honestly I'm not for sure if I ever had known it or done it. It's very scary for me too. I have a semi-recollective photographic memory. In other words, weird things like a song will come on the radio and I have a flash memory of exactly where I was driving maybe week or even five years ago the last time I heard that song. I see the front windshield of my car the surrounding environment, etc - all from that day in the past. It's a little unnerving, especially since I have no control over how to productively use this skill. The closest I ever got was in college. I would read a book for a class, then when I needed to sight a specific section of the book, then usually I could remember what part of the page (left or right - bottom paragraph, third sentence, etc.) and where in the book to find that section, even if the book was 500 pages or more. It's weird.

So, here's where we are today. I leave a string of evidence all over the house telling where I've been throughout the day, which helps me find my glasses... which I lose about every 30 minutes. I feel like frick'n Velma from Scooby-Doo. And don't even ask about my eyesight as I get older. And if it's not my glasses or billfold or keys, then it's my damn shoes or jacket. The remote control to the TV has become my arch-nemesis. My short term memory isn't worth crap anymore.
And if that wasn't bad enough, then this is the nail in the coffin. I hate when I watch a trailer for a movie that looks interesting or hear a song I like. Then I spend the next eternity trying to remember the name of it. I can't imagine how many hours I've wasted digging around on yahoo or amazon with vague descriptions of items, just hoping I'll stumble across it. Well... BINGO! Today Netflix helped me find a movie I forgot the name of in 2005... which is how long I've been trying to find it. In 2007 I went as far as asking a guy at Blockbuster to load the Ellen Page movie Hard Candy on all of their 12 TV screens, just because I thought I saw the trailer there. Well after spending 10 minutes getting it all set up (with other customers looking on)... the previews section did NOT have the trailer I was looking for... it was a different movie... shit.

After that tool-riffic idea, I decided to scale back my searches to the internet. Well that didn't pan out, many different times. And after all that searching I almost feel embarrassed to know what the real movie is. I'm sure that this movie looked interesting in 2005, but I'm even MORE sure that it won't be interesting enough to justify my stupid-angry-mega-quest.

Well just to keep everybody from asking, here is the trailer for the movie... Mean Creek.

And yes, now it's in my Netflix queue... so I won't forget. And this movie better be good, it owes me hours upon hours of my life back.

Boba Fett Underoos Flashback

2009-01-28T12:14:00.014-06:00

I can picture it now. It was 1982. I was a kid and I was consumed by one pursuit in life... Underoos. I couldn't be cool unless I had them. If you went to a sleepover with some lame button-down pajamas with trains or dogs or something on them, then you might as well save everyone the trouble, go ahead and give yourself a wedgie. Underoos were the coolest pj's known to men... er, boys. But why? You get to be a superhero or movie character or robot or whatever, that's why. Sure my Spider-Man Underoos were awesome, but let's be serious... I didn't really look like Spider-man. I mean, he doesn't just wear a t-shirt and underwear when he's fighting crime. You had to use imagination for the real effect.

But first I have to backtrack a bit. I started off with Superman Underoos. But, why did my Superman Underoos set come with a picture of Superman on the shirt instead of a giant "S" logo. That's just stupid. I wanted to safety pin a bath towel around my neck and pretend to be Superman, instead I just got a lame t-shirt that made me look like a sad six year-old groupie. What's even more sad is that it took me like two months of over-stressed childhood anticipation to get the real damned things.

The obsession all started after I went to a friend's house for a sleep over. He had an Incredible Hulk set... it wasn't that cool, but that spun my mind. It was a Halloween costume you wore to bed... everynight! You can act out cool stuff with your costume... that you wear every frick'n night of the week! It was the coolest thing my six year old mind could wrap around. I asked for a Star Wars Underoos set for Christmas that year. When do kids ever ask for clothes for Christmas?!? That's right, never. So I was guaranteed to get them.

So that year I asked for and received Underoos, but not exactly. I got Superman... and when I opened the package the underoos were a faded blue color... and it had E.T. on them. WTF? That's right, I didn't get Star Wars... then I didn't get Superman either... I got E-f'ng-T. Lame. Someone had pilfered the package and stuffed the wrong item back in. So my grandmother returned the set and brought back Superman, which was the before mentioned set that didn't have the "S" suit but just a picture of Superman flying on it. To add insult to injury, when my grandmother went back to the store the regular Superman was sold out, so I got some kind of dumb "Thermal Underwear" Underoos set that came with long warm style pants and long sleeves - it was itchy and stupid. Uncomfortable and didn't look like Superman, that's was me that year for Christmas. Double lame.

Luckily I was growing fast and asked to get a Star Wars set for my birthday. This time my grandmother took me to TG&Y (wow just typing that makes me feel old) and I got to pick my own pair of Underoos. This time I wasn't going to be duped, I had it all worked out in my mind. I'd seen the commercials - "you transform into your favorite heroes" - it literally said that right in the commercial. I was going to get the Boba Fett pair, then I would be Boba Fett... in my 6 year-old mind it was that simple. And just in case, my fall back would either be Darth Vader or possibly Luke in X-Wing Pilot outfit or maybe if I get desperate - Han Solo, if and only if, Boba Fett was not available. I wasn't even entertaining the possibility of going beyond those choices.

Better prepare my six year-old memories for a tragic flashback. I got there and the only Star Wars Underoos they had were C-3PO and they were all girls' sets. What? Only C-3PO... and only for girls!?!? He's a droid, not a girl... is he? I was dumbfounded and my view of an emasculated C-3PO has haunted me ever since. But all the same, I still had to get new Underoos. And that's the story of how I got my Spider-Man Underoos. This story was very misleading, wasn't it?

And now that I think about it, who really wants to pretend to be Spider-man without the mask? I guess we had to use our imagination a lot in the 70's and 80's. I still feel a little ripped-off by this whole thing. I really wanted to dress up as Boba Fett every night.

Well here's my chance. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I would like this -

This is the Ecko Limited Edition Boba Fett sweatshirt zip hoodie - found here

This is a birthday 27 years in the making (I'll be thirty'ish) , like the "make a wish foundation"... don't let me down. I'd prefer an XL to keep it comfortably loose... unlike "Thermal Underwear" Superman. Sure this Fett hoodie doesn't come with underwear or even pants for that matter, but I'll use my circa 1970's imagination to fill in the gaps.

Moonwalker WTF? Review, Part 1

2009-01-14T14:06:00.015-06:00

Recently I was feeling nostalgic, so I was watching youtube videos of old video games. Some were obscure and others were timeless... then there was the video game Michael Jackson's Moonwalker for Sega Genesis. I fondly remembered that a friend of mine had this game in 9th grade and I played it quite often. It was weird, but shit... it was Michael Jackson, what do you expect? So after hearing this youtube gamer go on and on about how the game doesn't make sense, I thought to myself, "has he ever seen the movie?" The movie itself probably has had less viewers than the video game, so does this random gaming critic not know there was a movie or what? This lead me to where I am now.

I am sitting here (right this very minute as I type) watching Moonwalker on laserdisc... (reader asks self, "what's a laserdisc?" - hey you, never mind, that's for a different blog). So, here I am watching this movie. I remember my cousin trying to get me to watch it like 17 years ago. I passed and rented Time Bandits instead... which is also weird, but Terry Gilliam movies kick ass. Sorry, I digress.

So somehow after all these years I was no better than this youtube guy that had pissed me off. I still had never watched this movie until today. You know why? Because it's ri-f'ng-diculous to find. Out of production on VHS, never released on DVD, don't even ask about Blu-ray - this movie is like trying to find Jimmy Hoffa. I actually almost bought it on VHS, but it was $20... and that's shite (this is not a typo, remember I sometimes curse in the vernacular of other regions - in this case the UK). Anywho... I passed on the VHS because honestly that sucks. I found an unsuspecting seller that was selling a like new US version of the laserdisc for $20 - now that's not a practical way to spend twenty bucks during a recession, but at this point I was becoming determined and frankly this particular version is worth about $50 to $75 - making this purchase a good deal.

What do I expect from this movie? Honestly... not sure. Here is the trailer I watched before buying it.

Now you tell me, what would you expect? Well no matter what you said, you were wrong. First of all I thought this was going to be a cheesy special effects crapfest. And truly these kinds of crapfests are usually pretty entertaining. I like watching these pre-CGI movies... they really put the "special" in special effects. So I fire up the ol' Pioneer LD player. This thing has been with me through thick and thin - I have had since 11th grade. And yes, it's about as high tech as my electric toothbrush, but shit... I can't let go. It sounds like a weedeater when it starts up... and it's pure trainwreck afterwards. Personally I just turn the volume up on the tv and keep my fingers crossed hoping it doesn't burn my house down.

Now that the movie is going... wtf? This movie starts with a Michael Jackson Pepsi commercial... and no I'm not kidding. I have never, in my 20 years of laserdisc-watching, seen a commercial on a disc. Lame. Now the movie itself starts right? No, not really.

Next the title screens appears with Michael singing the opening to "Man in the Mirror" with just a bunch of live footage of him in some ginormous stadium. Which would be kind of normal, but the entire time there are cut away shots of young girls crying and then passing out or falling over (presumably they're trampled afterwards) and being passed over the crowd to medics... wtf? One girl is screaming like she's gone bananas and some security guy just drags her off... with the back of her heels scraping the ground. No really, this is actually happening - not once, not twice, it's the entire introduction to the movie. Next are a bunch of archival shots of famous political figures... Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr, John F Kennedy, John Lennon, Mother Theresa - then there are cut aways to starving African children - but then they go back to the concert where crying girls are passing out and being carried away... double wtf? This movie is a great mix of cringes, laughs, and then guilty inappropriate giggles.

Next is just a bunch of footage which starts off making fun of Michael Jackson... wtf? Yes, I said it. They mention that he built a shrine to Elizabeth Tayler in his bedroom, then it says he was admitted for burns to his scalp. You remember the old playground rhyme about Michael and "Pepsi burned him up" - well this movie, which he made himself, is making sure we'll never forget all that stuff. Then there's tons of footage from the Jackson Five which is pretty cool, but this plays into the creepy song "Ben" from the movie of the same name... wtf? Ben is the movie that was remade into Willard starring Crispin Glover... and yeah if you know these movies then you know that this song just seems way too weird... even for Michael Jackson. And yes as this song plays, during Moonwalker mind you - not Ben, there are rats crawling around looking at a stage performance of Michael singing "Ben" on a newspaper... wtf? What does any of this have to do with the movie Moonwalker? And when in the hell is the movie from the trailer going to begin?

A space car... of somekind flies across the screen. Shizer! (shizer is German for shit). Finally! I'm on chapter five of this disc and finally the movie starts, right? No now there's a video to "Bad" completely reenacted by children - with facial hair. Yes, that's right a bunch of little 8 years with five o'clock shadows and mustaches... seen here.

Right afterwards the song ends with the main kid - still in Michael Jackson persona - walking off the studio set with his assistant and asking, "is Bubbles in my trailer?" (FYI - Bubbles is Michael's pet chimpanzee in real life.) The assistant guy answers yes. Then the young Michael asks what Bubbles is wearing. The guy answers - verbatim - "he's wearing a Prince t-shirt and red sneakers." ... triple wtf? Seriously this is all really happening. I can't make this shit up.

Okay, I give up. I'm going to watch the rest (or lack there of). This may require a wtf follow-up.

King Hippo Returns to Punch-Out!!

2008-12-14T10:38:00.006-06:00

I'm a big fan of classic video games. Hey, I still have a working 3DO, Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Turbo-Grafx 16 console... if you by chance even know what those are. But yes... I still play all the newer systems too. (And yes, unfortunately my original Atari 2600 is kaput.) But, some how these older games appeal to a different part of my enjoyment than the newer systems. Vintage games are the kind of things that have instilled in me memories that were unshaken by more modern technologies. Bridging the gap between the old and new is by far the most exciting thrill of all. Just as some people get thrilled by the newest Mario, I recently started playing Mortal Kombat Vs. DCU on PS3. This takes me back to high school in just a flash... except my hand-eye coordination isn't what it used to be. Now doing a Fatality is not very likely... even with a player's guide and the internet hints.

Maybe that's part of the reason I love the old games so much... when you conquered a NES game back in the day... you earned it. If you didn't know someone that knew a cheat code or special sequence to beat certain levels, well then you're either going to spend two years of your live playing the game or get mad enough to chunk it out the window. I was always jealous of people who got hints from the magazine Nintendo Power in the early days. Hell, it took like 2 or 3 years after conquering Legend of Zelda before I realized that there was a second adventure inside the original game (and that was only because Greg and I read it in Nintendo Power).

One of the only games I ever conquered on my own (with absolutely NO HELP) was the TG16 game Splatterhouse. I didn't even know anyone that owned another TG16 and none of my friends had even heard of this game. I loved it. It was the first game I had ever seen that was designed as a slasher style horror game (of course I don't count NES Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm St. - they were both lame). This game was actually so graphically violent that it sparked a reaction from my grandmother as a "satanic" game... sweet!! You know anything that gets that reaction is going to be good. Well guess what? Coming April 2009 - the remake to Splatterhouse on XBOX 360 and PS3 arrives. This will translate the psuedo-heoric character Rick and his evil cursed mask from...

this...

...into THIS!

Now for another nostalgic lead-in... I fondly remember in 1988 waiting outside the weight-room at Summer Pride training and my friend Terry telling me how to beat King Hippo on Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! It was such bittersweet agony. I had been trying to beat that level for months. I then had to wait another three hours before I could get home and put this knowledge into action. It was exciting. Then of course I'm sure Great Tiger kicked my ass in record time right after, but still King Hippo was no longer a threat. So imagine my thrill when I realized that I was going to get another shot at all new revamped King Hippo for the Wii. King Hippo was absent from the game Super Punch-Out!! that was released for the SNES system 1995. So this has been along time coming... releasing 2009, there will be another Punch-Out!! ... with KING HIPPO!

What seemed like a monster of an opponent, the NES 8 bit King Hippo below.

And the all new Wii version of King Hippo in all of his glory - below.

So far the date's not officially set for this release. Until then we'll have to settle for old 8-bit action if we want to fight King Hippo. Or if you are one of those people who really played this game but could never beat Mike Tyson... like me. Then maybe you can get some satisfaction from knocking-out another Mike... enjoy.

Wagging Tales: Hayden Plays Orange Ball

2008-11-28T15:23:00.011-06:00

Our dog Hayden loves to eat... eveything, including many foods that other dogs would hate. He's like Mikey from the vintage Life commercials, except Hayden would eat the cereal box too. Recently he started eating lots of different kinds of fruit, his favorite - apples. He loves to eat the entire thing. Apparently apple cores taste pretty good to him. Another fruit he likes - oranges. This is a little funnier though. He loves playing catch with it and licking the juice. Oranges have a limited life expectancy when treated like a tennis ball, but then again that's part of the appeal to Hayden. The grosser the orange gets, the more excited Hayden gets.

Being the day after Thanksgiving and a sunny 60 degrees, I thought it would be a great time to get out in the yard and let Hayden have one of the leftover oranges.

I will post a follow up apple clip later.

The Holiday Season is a Time for Giving

2008-11-25T12:34:00.010-06:00

This holiday season let us not forget all of the helpless animals that are often hungry due to overcrowded and underfunded animal shelters. Help by giving a few seconds of your time - no money needed. (Thanks for the heads up Mary C.)

When you visit the website, the advertisers pay for about half a bowl of food (60% of a bowl) for a hungry rescued pet in an animal shelter. You pay absolutely nothing, it's free. Just click the "Click Here to Give" Purple square (and come back again every day afterwards also) and then pass this info to other friends that would be willing to click also. The advertisers do all of the paying - no hidden SPAM, no pop-ups, no adware and most importantly no cost to you!

http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/

Sammmich!

2008-11-21T22:29:00.013-06:00

Okay, there's a time and place for everything. Right? Maybe not. A local convenience store in my home town sells "Big Az" sandwiches... presumably pronounced Big Ass as in the line from Chris Rock's CB4 - "Shut up and eat your big ass biscuit!" Well that being said, there is nothing more appetizing than seeing youthful txt-phrasing applied to questionably horrid food. Mmmm mmm, I can almost taste the botulism! Boys and girls, I give you the Big Az Chicken.

And as if something like say a Big Az Chicken sandwich was not warning enough... then Ships Ahoy Me Maties... they make a Big Az Fish and Cheese sandwich too, arrrrrrrrrrrrr! Well nothing quite goes together like microwaveable fish and cheese, except maybe cold night sweats and diarhea.

Welcome to Dante's seventh level of hell... Big Az sandwiches. I imagine that these sandwiches would taste something like a Krusty Burger... but with less quality control. The world is a sad place and Big Az brand Fish and Cheese is far scarier than anything H.P. Lovecraft could've dreamt up. Fear this food.

Wagging Tales: Hayden Go Seek

2008-11-12T14:17:00.012-06:00

Our dog Hayden has a new fascination... being chased and then chasing back. This evolved into where we are now - playing hide n' go seek with him. I hide and when Hayden looks for me I try to run to the patio before he can catch me. The trick is to throw his toy way across the back yard and then go hide before he realizes I am gone. Then the fun begins as Hayden runs crazy and whines like he's a lost toddler left in Walmart.

Now, here's the real kicker. Our backyard consists of two trees, of which the cedar is the only one I hide behind (since the branches go to the ground he can't see me). The rest of the yard is pretty bare with only a couple of corners to stand behind at the edge of the house or behind the AC unit. I really thought it would be fun for five minutes, then he'd catch on. Well it's been about month and damn... that tree is a really good hiding spot. Even though he sees me running out from behind it every time I decide to make a dash for the back patio, Hayden still never thinks to look there first.

Case in point...

Hayden brings me his tennis ball ring - "the donut" - and lets me know he is ready to play. He is very optimistic that this time he's going to win.

I throw the donut to the fence and instantly begin my sprint to hide behind the tree before he notices where I've hidden.

Sadly enough, I'm behind this little thing... mysteriously I've vanished in Hayden's mind.

Hayden returns to the scene of the crime and begins sniffing, I'm gone.

The panic sets in after circling the yard a few times. Colder... colder... ice cold... you're freezing... you're at the North Pole. After about a minute of waiting (and trying not to laugh) and with Hayden's back turned to me, I run to the patio. He arrives seconds later as he sees me run by.

Disgusted with his umpteen consecutive defeat... Hayden has a little pity party and yawns in disapproval.

With a record of 20 losses and 1 win (I fell down one time and he caught me), Hayden deepens in his doggy depression after giving up on another attempt of winning hide n' go seek.

Another Halloween Favorite Movie List - Stephen King Films

2008-10-31T21:15:00.027-05:00

When you say Stephen King, most people would agree he's a very original and brilliant author. To me, the tragedy of Stephen King books / short stories lends itself to the myth of bad film adaptations. It reminds me of people saying, "Yeah, the movie is okay - but the book is soooo much better." On the other hand, people usually say the movie version of Stephen King books seem to suck (which are often made-for-TV movies). This is especially true for one of his greatest triumphs, The Stand, but the movie was a horribly awful. Having said this, there are a few rare gems (which occasionally come from his less popular books.)

My Top 10 Stephen King Movies

10. Hearts in Atlantis - I'd like to think this movie is wonderful, but I'm realistic. This movie is very good, but by no means does it top my list. Unfortunately like other film fumbles, his book is too long to adapt perfectly. This is not one to pass over just because of its flaws; even with them it's a worthy film.

9. It - This is the only made for TV movie (mini series) that actually seems to deliver. Stephen King's book runs circles around this film, but that doesn't mean your going to sit and yawn for four hours.

8. Shawshank Redemption - This movie is one of the "I didn't know that was based on a Stephen King story" movies. Surprising to some, this is a great version to one of his novellas from the Different Seasons collection. This movie is so unbelievably good and one of his most critically acclaimed adaptations. (FYI - The original story is called Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption.)

7. 1408 - Finally one of King's horrifically scary stories gets made in modern times with a quality cast. Not only did I enjoy this but

I can re-watch it without losing the scares.

6. Stand By Me - Similar to Shawshank, this movie is an unlikely King story. This movie is a coming of age story and remains a little more innocent than King's version, but how can you make a quality 80's family film called The Body? - (which is the story's actual title)

5. Dreamcatcher - This movie needs to be thought of as a true

attempt to adapt Stephen King's style of writing. The unusual but witty dialog, the unbelievably odd bonding of unlikely friends, and the flashbacks - all key King motifs. But the ending does tarnish

this otherwise near perfect King film.

4. Secret Window - This movie works due to the talented cast and great production value. This movie seems basic, but this is the type of movie that could have easily been an ABC movie of the week starring Tony Danza (instead of a feature film with Johnny Depp). This movie builds psychologically and delivers.

3. The Mist - I had to re-read this story after watching and discussing the shock this movie left in my gut. The special effects, acting, and cinematography are all way above par. But, those favorable nods are not the real reason to appreciate this movie. Instead, think about this; The Myst movie changes King's intended ending. Director Frank Darabont's did something no one else has - improve upon King's story.

2. Misery - If you want to see simplicity as brilliance, then look no further. Misery the book is a little more on the crazy side, but the film is nothing less than a masterpiece. The movie has lots of great laughs to help deliver the frights (as well as creepy music and eery silence). Kathy Bates can never play any other role without first reminding me of this movie.

1. The Shining - Honestly I have trouble wondering if this movie is as amazing as the book, but it definitely reaches the audience all the same. The moments of this movie that do not make sense only feed your imagination - it's the unexplained, not the plot of the movie, that leaves you unable to sleep at night.

The Unbearable Bottom 5 Stephen King Films*

5. Rose Red - I wanted this to be good... it wasn't. Instead I wasted over four hours of my life... I want a refund.

4. The Lawnmower Man - Well, where do I start? First of all this movie doesn't even try to follow the book's story-line. Also this movie gets worse with age, the dated technology makes this movie completely horrible by today's standards (way crappier than the crappy it was in 1992.) CGI technology in pre-Jurassic Park cinema is now like watching old white people try to "rap" - very cringe worthy.

3. Thinner - I read the book and really thought it was interesting, not great... just kind of okay, I guess. The movie doesn't deserve near that much credit. Non-compelling, that is the kindest thing I can say without thrashing this movie.

2. Sleepwalkers - Inbreeding doesn't scare me enough I guess, neither do were-cats. This movie thinks its scary. And guess what? It's not. Watch as the movie-pacing and musical score leads you to believe that it's delivering all kinds of spooks. Liar.

1. The Stand - If this book wasn't so good, then it wouldn't be so painful to see this movie. King made a masterpiece, Mick Garris (director of this and many other horrible King adaptations) made a pile of steaming horse poop.

* Disclaimer - Just a note, there are lots of adaptations (mostly TV movies) that I have outwardly refused to watch. So, this list is by no means the worst possible Stephen King translations - in fact I assume that there are at least ten other movies that suck as bad as my bottom five.

** Double Disclaimer - Yes, I realize that I forgot to mention The Green Mile and it's popular movie version starring that guy Hanks. I wasn't too fond of the book and the movie actually left out a whole lot of the book's better parts. Sorry, this is just my personal feelings and I'm sticking to them.

*** Triple Disclaimer for Nightmares & Dreamscapes - Yes this series is pretty awesome (even if one of the better episodes - i.e. Battlegrounds - came from the collection Night Shift... not Nightmares & Dreamscapes). But, that being said, they are not really movies. If I gave too much credit to a TV series, then it would mess up the whole scheme of this list. They're not BAD versions; they're just NOT movies.

Halloween Related Top 10 List - Vampire Movies

2008-10-15T17:48:00.006-05:00

These are my favorite vampire movies of all time. Granted I do become very picky when deciding how some movies will be classified - for instance Near Dark is a movie about vampires, but it clearly states that it's NOT A VAMPIRE MOVIE by its own description... so yeah, I like Near Dark but it's not on the list. Also, no Underworld. Yeah I said it, NO Underworld. Underworld is more like an action movie than a horror movie - the removal of the horror elements only delude the vampire aspects - good movie, I like it... but not on the list. Same goes for Ultra Violet - for both of the reasons mentioned before. I also have to exclude vampire movies with strong comedic undertones - Love At First Bite is great and so is Once Bitten, but unfortunately these are not horror films. I am mostly listing vampire movies that not only catch my attention, but also bluntly list their rules "sunlight, holy water, stake through the heart, garlic, etc." These are the vampire movies that fascinate me the most.

My Top 10 Vampire Movies

10. John Carpenter's Vampires - The opening seen with the tech savvy hunters going head strong against the nest, it won me over (even if the rest of the movie wasn't quite as interesting.)

9. Vamp - Once again the early scenes are amazing. If your car could recklessly spin-out resulting in you arriving in the wrong part of town (the vampire side), then I figured anything was possible in this movie.

8. The Hunger - David Bowie as the sympathetic vampire...

I said David Bowie, 'nuff said.

7. Dracula (1931) - For being known as THE vampire movie it actually delivers very little fright, but for the time this movie is amazing and Bela Lugosi carries the entire movie with his presence.

6. Nosferatu (1922) - This remains the original vampire movie (as well as the first horror film). This movie has stood the tests of time. To this day Max Schreck's version seems creepier than what all the money in Hollywood could produce for the next 70 years.

5. Shadow of the Vampire - Once you've seen Nosferatu, then watch this. This movie was so good that it unnerved me with its simplicity. Art meets horror in this instant classic starring Willem Dafoe and John Malkovich.

4. Fright Night - The formula that brought teenagers in the 1980's up to speed on vampire lore. After the Hammer series had overworked the classic story throughout the 1960's & 1970's - then this little gem came along woke everyone back up. This movie is fun and scary.

3. Interview with a Vampire - I was only a fan after watching this a couple of times. I really think this world seems fast and full of mystery. I had never seen a vampire movie where heredity became part of the mystery, until this one.

2. Lost Boys - It took 1980's horror and made it timeless. This seems as much a part of my childhood as any other movie of the decade. Sometimes I just need to watch Lost Boys... it's that good.

1. Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - Gary Oldman is the Dracula that should've been emulated but never was (Vlad the Impaler from The Order of Dracul). This movie feels like a historical drama. It makes you forget that the Jonathan Harker character is played by one half of the Bill and Ted duo. Every time I watch this movie, I see something new that I love about it. Francis Ford Coppola made this movie epic in the way only he could have. This is the Godfather of vampire movies. If I only had one movie in this list to watch for the rest of my life, then this would be it.

Keep America Beautiful (unless of course you have something better to do and will just get to it later - hey look, a distracting celebrity on TV)

2008-09-15T23:44:00.002-05:00

"71 Things You Can Do to Stop Pollution" - This video seems a little dated... but that's the tragedy of it. It's been 37 years since this public service announcement... can we say that there is any less pollution today? Plus, notice that the ad seems to focus a large portion of pollution on what seems to be individuals littering. To me pollution is more likely not trash, but fossil fuel emmissions in the air and factory chemical byproduct waste in the water - putting trash in the garbage instead of the ditch isn't preventing the pollutions that were made when the item was manufactured... way before it became trash. These larger problems seem glossed over at most. All and all this video does have a general message that is as relevent today as ever before.

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch: Everyone Should Know This, But Sadly Very Few Do.

2008-08-28T15:22:00.006-05:00

I watched this news report late on ABC recently and it disturbed me severely. Over the last year this same story has been shown numerous times (ABC Nightly News, Good Morning America, etc.), yet most people are still not aware this is happening. I only hope that you can take the time, like I did, to watch this video and appreciate its magnitude. Tell your friends, tell your friends to tell their friends.

Adventures in Greenless Oklahoma Part 2: Plastic Pains

2008-08-28T12:32:00.008-05:00

We always recycle as much of our household waste as possible, but not all items can be - most notably some plastics. I have gone to great lengths to help collect #1 (PETE) and #2 (HDPE) plastics at home, laying around the trash at work, and from co-workers bringing plastic from their homes to me. Recycling plastic is probably the most fulfilling of all materials due to it's chemical nature. Plastics break down so slow and turn into long chain chemicals that can be toxic to the soil (or ocean waters), unlike less complicated materials such as glass or paper, etc.

When I started recycling plastic I was gung ho about checking everything for the little triangle on the bottom with the number inside it. Like a scratch off lotto ticket, it became a rush to find that little number. I was separating each number in its own pile. I learned soon after that most of my labor was wasted; in my area only #1 and #2 were accepted. Even though I'm glad to be able to recycle any plastic at all, I was troubled by the amount of #5 (PP) plastic that I was accumulating... and eventually having to throw in the garbage. I recently read that certain companies are changing to #5 plastic because of its strength which in turn limits the amount of plastic being used (thinner containers - that they claim are good for the environment). But only larger urban areas have recycling of #5 making the switch a less perfect improvement for most areas... less recycling threatens to equal out any impact from the switch.

Supposedly certain grocery stores recycle #4, but I have yet to see any store that takes #4 other than grocery bags - random #4 plastics... denied. Weirder stuff #3 and #6 are rarely seen around my house, so I consider them non-issue for me personally.

The most troubling is #7 (listed as OTHER) due to the fact that it can not be recycled because of it's mixed plastic contents. Also certain #7 plastics have been linked to health problems when exposed to heat (i.e. the recent news warning of water / baby bottles leaking toxic chemicals). I do find these bottles quite often too. I get them from coworkers (Arizona Tea Gallon Jugs) and at home (Naked Juice 15.2 oz bottles) - which I will avoid in the future. So... if you are buying plastic bottles, containers, or whatevers then try to see what plastic it is first. Only certain plastic can be recycled and the #7 is by far the worst... pure landfill fodder - avoid it like the plague.

Below is a website for a complete list of all the plastics #1 - #7 and what makes each so unique.

http://www.recyclenow.org/r_plastics.html

Jesus Christ Action Figure, cooler than a Rocket-Firing Boba Fett? Maybe not.

2008-08-27T00:32:00.017-05:00

This spoof of vintage toy commercials cracks me up... so, yeah I think this is hilarious.

Also take note of the reference made to Indiana Jones movies during the "redeem UPCs from specially marked packages" section - almost as cool as the infamous Rocket-Firing Boba Fett offer made by Kenner in 1978-79... to never be released. You know why? Well I'll wax a little vintage toy knowledge then.

Similar to the red rocket designed for Mr. Fett, little red missiles were made for the spaceships of the 1978 line of 2" scale Battlestar Galactica figures. These plastic red missiles were recalled by Mattel on January of 1979 because a child died and supposedly ten others were injured by the small projectiles. Personally I was pissed as a kid. I vividly remember my mom taking the missiles away from me only days after getting the Colonial Viper and Cylon Raider for Christmas of '78.

In fear of similar problems, Kenner immediately halted the production of the Star Wars mail away Boba Fett half way through the promotion. The elusive Rocket-Firing Boba Fett was sadly never mass produced, kids instead received a figure with the rocket "glued" into place... lame.

Gen X kids across the universe still find this story to be cringe worthy, knowing how cool this figure would've been in their little 1970's hands. Above is the original artist rendering of the pre-production figure as it was promised, but never delivered. Just like Indiana Jones' pursuit of The Holy Grail or The Ark of the Covenant, this figure is practically unattainable (functioning Kenner prototypes can be found, but sell for up to $25,000 for quality pieces with certified authenticity documentation).

Kids, you better eat your veggies...

2008-08-26T20:34:00.007-05:00

Stumbling across the interweb I saw this and all I can say is wow. Double wow. This is by far one of the coolest pictures I have ever seen. If you are a fan of H.R. Giger's Alien design, then get a load of this. The details are amazing. From the eggplant head to the green bean fingers, this is awesome. I'm a huge fan of pop culture inspired art, especially original pieces like this. Titled: "Salad" by Till Nowak.

Adventures in Greenless Oklahoma Part 1: It's Not Easy Being Green

2008-08-25T23:41:00.013-05:00

Lately I have been striving to be more eco-friendly. And I have arrived at the conclusion that "the man" hates us helping the environment. I installed compact fluorescent light bulbs (CFLs for short) in our living room ceiling fans, but they are the small candelabra style... so the largest I could get were only 25 watt equivalents. Now when I'm in my living room after 6 PM, I feel like it's 1941 and I'm sitting in a London pub during a brown out waiting for a German air raid to end. Even with all six lights going - three on each fan, it's brutally dark.

These CFLs cost me approximately $8 each and will most likely save me about 11 cents over the next two years. Regardless of the bulb cost, I will spend much more at the hospital after breaking my neck from stepping on dog toys while walking through the living room at night. But lucky for me they now have a 40 watt equivalent (9 watt actual), yeah! These will put out enough light to be a little more than half as bright as the 60 watt bulbs I used to have. Plus they only cost $17 each, wow that's STUPENDOUS! No wait that's STUPID... yeah, that's what I meant. I guess some con artist said, "I've got a bright idea. Let's sell everything really high and then we'll convince them they're saving money..." Well at least the idea was bright, the bulbs sure aren't.

I will post more about my "Adventures in Greenless Oklahoma" again later. I quote the great late Kermit The Frog (Jim Henson) on this thought... "It's not easy being green."

The End is Near... like 5:00 PM CST, Prepare for Apocalypse

2008-08-21T16:43:00.001-05:00

Well today was not the day I thought it would be. In fact it's been one of those random days I like to affectionately call "Potluck Thursday." I was suppose to work today, but my schedule got changed again, so I decided to do a little mowing in the backyard. Lately the rain has been horrible; we got almost 4 inches just on Monday. And if you're familiar with Oklahoma weather during August, this is anything but normal. By the third week of this month, we had broken the record of total rainfall for Oklahoma in August and there is a chance of rain everyday until September.

Last year we broke the record for ice and for several rainfall statistics going back to before statehood. None of these so called "chance occurrences" have been linked to global warming in our local media. And since Oklahomans are more likely to listen their preacher instead of the weatherman, then I say we start preparing for The End, in a biblical sense instead of a climatic sense.

Back to my original story... I was mowing and found a whole bunch of baby frogs (or toads more likely) in the tall grass. I have never seen baby toads in August, March or April or even as late as June maybe, but not late August. Is Mother Nature on vacation? Or, is she planning on raising a whole new batch of volunteers for the prophetic "Rain of Toads" that we've all been warned of. I'm going with a split decision on this one.

Maybe Mother Nature plans on ending the world soon... like on a federal holiday or some other three-day holiday where the people at the shopping malls can be struck down first. Personally I am just hoping to get a Tivo so that I can store up a bunch of television for when the airwaves die out.

So... dust off that Y2K survival kit, stock up on water purification tablets and ramen noodles. Oh and don't forget to zip lock your books incase of flooding... you made need to brush up on your "Left Behind" series before it's all over. On the other hand I will be recycling, using compact fluorescent light bulbs, and not driving my gas-guzzling car up until the very brink of disaster.... just so I can say it wasn't my fault.

Next Time Thoughts

1) Ahhhh(Yawn)lympics - So why is the Olympics so boring this time? I mean, I watched Michael Phelps and it was exciting enough, but as whole... blah. In 1992 I watched a ton of Olympics really late at night and loved it. Is it just me?

2) New Species - Every time I turn around there is new a species of fish or sea creature or presumed to be extinct or dinosaur-like "thing" being pulled out of the ocean, especially near Japan. We're never surprised. But someone says they found Bigfoot and the pic of the deepfreeze (where it was supposedly stored) was shown live on CNN as a breaking story for hours. Do you think the Loch Ness monster or little green m... , excuse me, gray men would get that same attention? It must've been a slow news day.

3) Facebook. - Possibly the educated guess to a glittered out bling-you question like, "Myspace?" I recently started making a gradual shift away from Myspace to Facebook and so have a few of my friends. I will not treat Myspace like the redheaded stepchild, but I have to admit I have found a favorite of the two.

Lego Sushi... looks good enough to eat... er... build?

2008-08-21T13:03:00.007-05:00

I came across this today and couldn't believe the attention to detail - go to this link for closeups. I believe that you would have to be a fan of sushi to enjoy this or possibly a fan of Legos (or possibly both - Jason S. - you getting any hints I'm referring to you?) I only wished the sushi at Target looked as good as this... sadly enough.

Only thing missing is some sake or for me a large bottle of Japanese beer, preferrably Asahi with a small cold glass.

Hadakaimasu (Bon appetite!) and Kanpai (Cheers!)

Lego Sushi, including my favorite sushi on the top left corner - Futo Maki!

Holy Brilliant Breakfast Buildings, Batman! Could this really be?

2008-08-20T00:32:00.003-05:00

www.TheCerealBowl.com

The Cereal Bowl, an entire restaurant dedicated to breakfast cereal. Wow. Selling brands that you already know (such as Kellogg's, Post, General Mills) - this company supplies a formal setting to the familiar. But, it's the little things that set this apart from your kitchen's breakfast bar - fresh fruit, dried fruits, nuts, granola, and even candies are all optional toppings to highlight your choice (or custom mix). Custom mix? Ever wondered what Lucky Charms mixed with Coco Puffs would taste like? You can find out. Plus, don't forget that they sell ice cream (Freezin' Flakes), Parfaits, smoothies (Oaties), Baked Goods (think Rice Crispy treats with numerous other cereal flavor substituted in), flavored coffees, hot cereals, and more!

The Cereal Bowl, behind the counter

Sony Customer Service

2008-01-12T14:07:00.002-06:00

If you know or don't know (or even care) I have been plagued by a faulty Sony Blu-Ray player over the last couple of months. I returned it - they couldn't fix it - I paid for an upgraded model - they lost my order - I called back - the customer rep didn't speak English - I called back again - they lost my order again - I got a migraine - they didn't care - this goes on and on - but I will not bore you any further - etc.

It's been super fun! Every time I speak with one of the customer reps, I imagine old reruns of Walker Texas Ranger. Then, as if I'm Chuck Norris myself, I imagine it's my size eleven Adidias that's at the blunt end of around-house that connects with their phone headset mugs - sending their incompetent asses bouncing around inside the cubicle like a raquetball.

Ahhh, bliss.

If you ever thought I was a Sony hater before (see my previous blog for the lowlights of 2006), then you were sadly mistaken. I am on a mission now. Currently I am sitting on hold (43 minutes and counting), which is my 8th time to call counting the original problem on December 6th. So far I've called this particular CSR out on so many lies, that we might as well meet at 3:10 at the flag and have an ol' fashion after school fight. I am ready. I might even punk out and try to hit her with my lunchbox. I've had it with these people!

All I know is that if I have to blog again about Sony CSRs or their crap-tastic technology, then it will likely spell doom for my patience. I see a spinning scissor kick in some unlucky person's future.

Now to level out and re-center myself, my zen moment . . . .

Deja-blah? Time to Cocoon.

2007-12-09T19:31:00.000-06:00

Well it's been a long while since my last "blogging". I've just been so busy, and have missed lots of opportunities to comment on many, many strange / hilarious / semi-interesting occurrences. First off though, this weather? I am getting a deja-blah moment from earlier this year. I don't remember how I dealt with it last time, but I'm sure it was boring and took way too long. Maybe I cocoon-ed like those aliens on . . . well Cocoon. Oh well, either way it was like a month of utterly-dumbed-down TV and beef jerky. And as boring is that sounds, it was actually worse.

For all of my missed "bloggings", I've narrowed it down to 3 things I wanted to mention the most.

1 - So recently I went to see Tori Amos in concert with my girl. It was really fun. The most adult concert I've every been to. And I mean that it a mature way, not a sleazy XXX kind of way. The people were so kicked back and mellow. Minus of course the one WAY TOO PSYCHED dancing hippy-chick on X that sat about five rows below us. I think it's safe to say that for her it was probably a really different experience. But the concert was very intense, just mostly from the stage vicinity - not the audience. The next morning we got up and enjoyed (not exactly enjoyed... maybe endured is better put) a free continental breakfast at La Quinta Inn of Grand Prairie. I will say that FREE was less of a privilege, than it was more closely the appropriate cost. The breakfast area served lots of instant stuff while little kids and scruffy looking people watched The Dukes of Hazzard at 9 in the morning. Nothing quite says 1 and 1/2 star hotel like a bowl of instant apple cinnamon oatmeal while watching a 1969 orange Dodge Charger jumping a bridge.

2 - I went to Riviera Maya, Mexico in late October for a wedding. That was a whole big random vacation. I got sunburned a few times, pinched on the toe by some crazy crab that got in our pool, I watched some quasi-entertaining Mexican TV, and I ate some really gross lettuce (even though everyone said not too, but it was too late). The weather was amazing though and I had lots of fun hanging out with all of the people. All and all, I'd call it a win. Plus, Bill and I went swimming and our shorts got bleached from the pool water. Damn, what are they trying to kill in that water... the ebola virus?

3 - Then there was a time when my girlfriend and I went to the grocery store by her house in Norman. We were walking out and a lady came walking by. This lady had her blue tooth headset on and was making a super cool hands-free business call. She was talking loudly and acting as if she wanted everyone else to know how important she was. As she walked by I thought about how much of douche she looked like. Then as she passed, I saw that she had some toilet paper coming out of the back of her pant's waistline. Ahhhhhh . . . . there is a God. I could've stopped her from going into the store and told her, but that would've seemed like I was interfering with a perfectly cosmic karma event. And who am I to intervene in the balance of the universe?

So like a caterpillar or possibly a little shriveled up glow-in-the-dark alien, I guess I will prepare to Cocoon for a while until the weather subsides. Just don't let Wilford Brimley and those other ol' coots into the pool.

My Soda... The Pessimist?

2007-02-28T16:59:00.001-06:00

So today was feeling like a very normal Wednesday. I got some stuff done around the house, worked a little on the computer, thought about blogging, and went to the local convenience store to get a Sugar-Free Black Cherry Jones Soda. If you are unfamiliar with Jones, then you should check them out. If soft drinks were bands, then this would be your local indie-alt answer for the mundane "Top 40" Coke and Pepsi. I digress though...

In reality, I'm not too happy with Jones right now. Each week I purchase a little bit of wisdom from underneath the cap. Purportedly Jones Soda, "swiped these quotes from actual fortunate cookies." I guess plagiarism doesn't apply to fast food / convenient store destiny. Now to the point...

Last week my cap said "You will be successful in any gathering." I was happy with this one. I kind of felt like it talked to me. Not in a I-might-need-lithium-for-schizophrenia-because-I-hear-voices kind of way, instead it was a "seems accurate" kind of way. It was the day after my birthday celebration. I was feeling good and had a great time with a large gathering of people. I just felt that this fortune was like predicting the past instead of the future, but who am I to complain? The plot thickens...

Then I took the time to think back to two weeks ago. It said, "Learn about Bugs." Funny thing was that I had spoken with someone the night before that was studying Entomology. Coincidence? Maybe. But yet again, Jones Soda only told me this after the fact. I'm not saying that a bottle of soda has the ability to write in the answer after "pencils down" or anything, but it did seem a little less than prophetic. Moving on...

So today I was eagerly awaiting what the omniscient Jones had to say. To my utter dismay, it read "Keep expectations reasonable." About what? These soda fortunes? Life? Ever bowling a perfect game? I need more specific clues. At this point...

I actually got a little mad at my bottle cap. Should I care if my Soda is a pessimist? I am by no means limited by the insight of a pretentious 12 oz (355 ml) beverage lid. So I took action . . .

I went back to the store and bought another bottle for the sheer will of self fate. I read the cap and it said, "Now is the time to quit your regular routine." Now that's good advice. As part of my regular routine, I will no longer be reading my Jones Soda caps or taking advice from any pompous overpriced sugar-free colored water.

Not-my-balloons-broccoli-head-camera-corral-liver-out-the-face-sweetest-gift-ever-birthday bash

2007-02-21T18:09:00.001-06:00

Last night lots of people came out to celebrate my birthday... and Catholically sanctioned hedonism (Fat Tuesday). And by the way, the balloons were not for me. I got that question about 10 times last night. Plus, I prefer balloon animals instead... WOW a misshapen giraffe... do it again!

Well thanks. I sometimes say that and feel like it doesn't have the "ummph" it should, but in this case it most definitely will. I am very appreciative of everyone. In talulah fashion, I am going to personally try to thank everyone for yesterday.

"the sweetest girl you know" - Truth in advertising? Yes! This is without a doubt the sweetest girl I know. I want to thank you for flying in from TN and providing the best three days of my life. I already miss you so much and can't wait to see you again. After going to the airport this morning at 6:30, "Leaving on a Jet Plane" has become the single hardest song in the world to listen to.

"bambino" - you bought my tab, you bought my girlfriend's tab, you bought my girlfriend's friend's tab. You did that all as a favor to me and I really appreciate it even if we only spent $31 . . . wow, we're thrifty!

"talulah" - you sang, you sang, you sang . . . and you told some of the funniest-ass stories I've ever heard. Your "liver out the face" routine should be featured on Comedy Central.

"*theresa*" - you let me crash at your house, then you let me ride with you to the airport, then you gave me a ride home. I owe you big.

"Chris" - You're a new friend, but a good one. There's never a dull moment when you are around. Stand-up kind of guy.

"lindy.c." - my new Buffy buddy. It's always good to see you out. You kept the "camera corral" held down while people came and went. Thanks for returning the favor on bday celebrations.

"Mr. Bill" - you brought the table center piece, which became the conversation catalyst for a large part of the evening. "Bill's Birthday Wagon" is the name I have given it. Some other people called it "the lowrider car with broccoli head boy in the back seat" - I like both names.

"Jacqueline" - you gave me lots of beads . . . and I didn't even have to show my boobs. You're a great friend, so glad you made it out . . . even if "Kat" didn't. But, you know "Kat" as well as anybody, so no surprises there . . .

"dana" & "Tina" - you guys always make me smile. dana and her funny "lisp-speak" (or "thisp-thpeak" as I like to call it) . . . "tis tha theason for kith & kin." Tina, your myspace fears are too humorous for words. One of these days we're going to walk you through it and learn ya real good on sum myspace-dom.

There are lots more that were there and wished me the best (Chad, Sally, Whitney, Shirley, Gary, Crystal, Kara, Tom, Ryan, Laura, Mark, etc.). If someone feels left out then comment back. I will edit and amend to this thank you.

Here is a P.S. thank you to those that couldn't make it, but took the time to say Happy Birthday: Marla, Kathy, Amanda, Kim, Jen H., Whitney B., Carrie, Becky, Jason S., Bobbie, Sarah G., Shayla, Pat, Alan N., etc.

Funny FYI side note - at work I got a Star Wars card, two "computers suck" related cards, some Propel sports drinks, and Gary Larson's "Night of the Living Crash-Test Dummies" book for my birthday. The people at work are starting to come around. I feel like they really know me in a scary "too close to home" kind of way.